Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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