Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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