if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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