How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
