Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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