You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
