It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize