You work out of a Hotel?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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