best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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