i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
