I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
