why didn't you poke me back
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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