I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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