So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
