are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
