Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
