I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
