Buhtt sex?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
