you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
