WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
