so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
