So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
