I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
