you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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