I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
