who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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