only you would photoshop your dick
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
