dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
