I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
