you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
