call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
