I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
