how can u be prego again
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
