I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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