I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
