I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
