I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize