I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize