i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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