So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
