it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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