The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
