If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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