whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
