I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
