dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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