Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
