Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
