clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They took my balls.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
