I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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