just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
