my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
