just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
