So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
