Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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