Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
