First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
