Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
