yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
