The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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