man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize