I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
