I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
