and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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