you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
