So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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