this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
