Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I currently don't understand fingers.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
