i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
