i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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