I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
