She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
