walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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