she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
